Leaving Maternity Leave

I’ve been on maternity leave since March 5th and I go back to work in the morning.  So as I type this, I’m trying my best to be a rational human being.  You see, maternity leave isn’t just time off work.  It’s been a leave from a lot of things I typically do including but not limited to showering daily, keeping my boobs in my shirt, suppressing the crazy emotions, the list goes on and on.  When not on maternity leave, I work at an engineering (hopefully a “ninjaneering”) firm and we are staffed by a high ratio of men to women.  Having a baby is quite a hormonal human feat.  Seriously, you produce enough hormones to bud another human being.  Then, after hatching said human, you are still producing enough hormones to make milk come out of your nipples.  So at home, everyone lets it slide that mom gets weepy when it comes to: my son telling me he loves me; thinking about dropping the baby off at daycare; and those damn commercials with dogs and their owners returning from military service.  But at work, tears aren’t really an option given the overwhelming majority of men to women and neither is whipping out a boob to feed a baby.  So, as I’m thinking about work in the morning, I’m asking myself, “Did I do enough during the five months I was home?”  The short answer is of course, “No.”  I have not kissed the baby’s cheeks enough.  I have not done enough cooing back and forth at her.  And I certainly have not gotten enough cuddles.

These are the cheeks to which I’m referring

But as my husband has reminded me, “You’re not going to prison.  You drop her off for 4 hours.  Then, you go visit her at lunch.  Four more hours and you see her again.”  This cycle only happens three days a week.  So, my rational, ninjaneer self knows, I have a great deal and this really isn’t the end of the world.  My momjeans self, the weepy ball of goo that may never see her precious baby again, hopes the prison warden will be lenient.

Please tell me a going back to work story!